Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
