george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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