I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
