She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Houston, we have a squirter
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
