Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
