I just pynch a tree in the face
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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