would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Randomize
