i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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