if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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