tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
