I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
