i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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