I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
