Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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