he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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