so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
