now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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