hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
