Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
We have started to decorate penises.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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