Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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