sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I can't put those talents on a resume
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
