all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
