this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
