Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
