If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
