I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
