The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
