The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
