Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
