The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
