I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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