I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
