In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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