She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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