i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
