Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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