Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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