singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
