he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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