Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
two words...techno handjob
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You need Xanax blowdarts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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