Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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