Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
