so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
