i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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