I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
