I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize
