I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
