I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
