fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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