What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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