Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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