haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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