I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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