I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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