Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
