Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
