So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
