Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
