im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
