My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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