How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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