Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
