Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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