Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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