i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
