the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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