you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Randomize
