The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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