why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
