tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
