Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
