my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
