Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
false alarm. still invincible.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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