Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
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