Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
