I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
