Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
MIDGETS
????
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
